Filling the Gap

Filling the Gap July 2009
The last Saturday in July was the monthly teen club meeting in Gaborone. The morning was very cold, even for July in Botswana. Most teenagers I know would not venture out of bed early in morning on a Saturday especially during their mid- term break for any reason, so I was not expecting to see many students when I rose early to catch a bus for the capital to arrive in time for the monthly teen club where I have been volunteering. I too was reluctant to wake up early again since I had been away in the bush on vacation for the week and had to awaken very early to catch a bus to the capital.
When I arrive at teen club about 9am, there were a large number of students already there. As predicted, more members arrived within the next hour or so as the weather warmed up. (This is very understandable since many student s have no heat in their homes and no funds to by warm clothes. Instead they usually rely on standing in the sun whenever possible to keep the warm, as do the rest of us.)
The morning started off with what were appropriately called “ice breakers.” Most students are very shy so these circle activities that are fun and require lots of movement literally to warm everyone up. Then because the teen club has grown to now over 100 students with the numbers growing each month, the members are divided into two groups. This day the younger teens walked over to the very elegant Gaborone Sun Hotel, where a wonderful Kenyan club volunteer plays African and Caribbean music regularly. Momo,as he is known to us,is a real musician in his own right and arranged with the hotel owner for his band to play for the group outside on the lawn where weddings are usually held. He taught them some dance steps while the band played with loud amplifiers, just like they perform in the evenings.
I stayed behind with the older teens to begin a new life skill series on sex, love and dating. To do this, I was teamed with a Setswana speaking Batswana who taught English in the schools. This topic was a personal one and needed to be addressed in Setswana to make students feel at ease. We started off with an introduction of the topic by two well spoken teen leaders who had most of us laughing while introducing this sensitive subject close to their hearts. Then we moved into small groups. My group had both boys and girls. Some were confident teen leaders. Others were shy. One had been suspended from teen club for several months for improper behavior, such as drinking, drugs or not taking his anti-retro-viral medication (ARVs). Nevertheless we all worked together.
First, we were told to map our village and indicate where students hang out. I worked with some students from my village and learned a lot. I had worked at the senior school for the past year, however, I did not know where the boys and girls hung out after school. We discussed the good and bad activities that are engaged in at these places. Both male and female students participated freely which is amazing since in school they are basically taught to listen without questioning what is said because it could be a sign of disrespect.
We then moved on to defining the ideal partner exercise. The boys listed the qualities they wanted in a girlfriend and wife, while the girls listed those for a boyfriend and husband. This part proved easier for me than expected. At school, students talk in Setswana and take notes in English. Then they read the English and translate it into Setswana for the discussion. This process totally amazes me and I cannot see American students doing the same. The teen club students followed the same procedure which helped me understand the discussion.
The girls wanted a boyfriend who was good looking, entertaining, faithful, trustworthy, caring, and would give gifts on special days like Valentines. In terms of a husband they wanted an honest, loyal, loving and caring man who would be a good father. The boys wanted a girlfriend who was sexy, curvy, a good dresser, faithful and fun. For wives they wanted home makers, good mothers, excellent cooks, independent and obedient. We read and discussed these characteristics which were elaborated with examples and many jokes to relieve the tension. We then asked them if they wanted to marry some day. Most said yes, but one girl said no and would not elaborate. A boy said no because he was HIV positive. He did agree, however, he would if he could marry someone else who was HIV positive or someone who accepted his situation without “the disease’ (as it is often speak in terms of HIV/AIDS).
We then moved on to a more difficult task for students. It was called romantic relationships. Students had to decide not only their own position on the issue but move to a given part of the room if they agreed with a statement or another area if the disagreed. The statements were hard. For example, “It is too difficult for youth to abstain from sex.” The students were divided. One or two defended their stance. Another choice was whether “A person should always tell his boyfriend or girlfriend their HIV status.” Most students disagreed because they thought it would end the relationship since the stigma is so great here in Botswana. Furthermore they were convinced that their partner would tell others since there is very little confidentiality here. None of the members have gone public with their status nor have teachers for that matter, because the risks of ostracism are so great. Likewise when someone dies due to the complications of HIV/AIDS, the death is never publicly related to HIV/AIDS. Also teachers do not know the status of students so kids are often beaten when not performing as expected even though it might be for medical reasons. The burden of secrecy is great. Only in teen club where they know they are all positive can they talk freely about their feelings and illness.
Another statement required the teens to decide if boys and girls should follow traditional marriage practices such as paying lobola, the practice of paying a bride price. Most did not want to follow the old practices of having the two families decide on the marriages even though most were willing to pay a lobola. The hardest question was “If two married HIV positive adults want to have a child, is it okay for them to have unprotected sex? “ Most were stumped and went in the middle confused by what they should say. To say the least, these statements and responses had students literally thinking on their feet.
At the end, the groups met back together to report on their group discussions. Both students and adults reported on what they had learned. This gave everyone an opportunity to reflect on what they had been discussing for the last few hours and to speak their minds. Some students echoed the message that the solution was abstinence from drinking, drugs and sex. Others left conflicted about their choices. Everyone seemed to understand that they had to decide for themselves where to go and how to behave given all the peer pressure.
My reaction to the whole process was one of amazement. Although I had taught for many decades, rarely had I seen such a lesson so well designed and implemented to change behavior. The different tasks required student involvement each step of the way. It was not rote learning or moralizing as often practiced in most schools. Classroom teaching in Botswana tends to be one-sided and teacher oriented. Students are rarely given the facts and told to decide for themselves. Nevertheless, students felt safe within the teen club to participate freely with their peers. Some were more outspoken than others as is always the case. Most important, however, the students had ownership of the process and the content. This exercise was designed for and carried out by the teens.
Finally, in the Setswana culture, children are not supposed to talk to their parents about personal relationships and problems. It would be disrespectful. Children can, however, feel free to talk to an uncle or aunt about these matters. This can be a challenge because many family clans no longer live in one area. Many people now are government employees who are transferred all over the country under a policy to insure national unity and defuse tribalism. Likewise, the Setswana culture has traditionally kept young men and young women separated until they were married. Today, schools have usually boys and girls in the same classes. These practices are a total break from the past. As you might expect, teens want the “modern way” and often rebel against the “old way.” Hence, you have a totally new situation created by the education system which treats all students the same in terms of the uniforms, curriculum, classes, language, etc, which confronts traditional practices and authority. So the teen club is helping to fill the gap in so many ways. Not only did I and others have a good time, but in my case I learned some excellent activities which I could implement in guidance classes, school clubs and at our locally sponsored Baylor teen club in the village. Bravo, well done!